Nika Nikoubin's delusions were so severe she didn't even know she'd commited a crime

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The.
Hey everybody in serial Killer

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country, My name is Brittany
Ransom and this is When Killers

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Get Caught, a podcast devote to
deep dives into the killers we

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love to learn about.
But in season three we've been

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talking one-on-one with people
who are closely linked to

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crimes, who have been affected
by their connection to the

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justice system.
And for the first time, we're

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going to speak with someone who
committed a crime.

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If you're here from TikTok, you
probably heard my video that

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said that our guest today
attacked her date in the middle

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of a pretty serious delusion.
And got herself embroiled in

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international politics, of all
things.

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Our guest today is Nika Nikuben
and we're going to talk about

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her life, what happened before
the attack, the attack, and what

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life has been like since.
Thanks for coming on the podcast

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today, Nika.
Yeah, thank you so much,

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Brittany, for having me on.
I'm really excited to share my

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story and exposing my true
narrative as well as talking

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more about how we can change the
society to implement positive

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change in the world.
That was one of the first things

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I was really excited to maybe be
able to help you with.

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Because when I was looking up
articles about you, a lot of

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them, some of them are very
salacious.

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Some of them are just downright
offensive, right?

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Yeah, there is like actually
inaccuracy in certain media that

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I've seen.
I'm like, that's not true at

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all.
Or if it is true, it's like so

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generalized and centralized that
I'm just like, well, you know,

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it's trueish, but you're making
it super out of context and

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generalized that it's no longer
even accurate anymore.

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Well, I mean that's the way
things work in the US you know,

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the whole if it bleeds, it leads
thing.

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So the best thing they could do
was.

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Let people know it was Vegas you
met on Tinder and all sorts of

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things of that nature.
But before we get into what

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actually happened, one of the
things that I did want to talk,

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I guess, about was kind of your
background, because I feel like

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none of the news articles really
discussed who you are.

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Yeah, for sure.
Thank you so much again for

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giving me this platform.
So I'm a Persian, half Persian,

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half Persian artist.
I'd like to partake in different

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activities.
I like to paint, I sang and have

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some music videos out there as
well, and my culture is very

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important to me.
I was actually born and raised

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in Iran and came to the US when
I was 12.

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So I think that played a major
role in the way I was able to

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like, go through school.
And just my life experience is

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definitely shaped by the fact
that I wasn't like born here and

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had to adjust not only to like a
different language.

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I barely spoke in English and I
moved to the US So that was a

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huge challenge for me.
But not only that, it was hard,

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right?
Not only that, but culturally

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it, it was completely different.
You know, when we talk about

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culture differences, like if you
live in LA and you come to

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Dallas, TX, you can see a
culture shock.

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Now imagine moving from a
different country.

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So it was just, you know?
You're 23 right now, right?

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Yeah, I'm 23.
So we're talking 11 years ago, I

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mean Iran, 11 years ago.
I mean, it's a completely

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different place.
I remember being in I think

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middle school and I'm a lot
older than you.

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So.
And I remember there was a, a

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girl we went to school with who
was from Iran and she had all

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these beautiful pictures of what
her home looked like it and

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where she came from and things
of that nature.

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And then, of course, a couple
years later, the whole. 911

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happens and then the well, we we
don't have to talk about the

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validity of the assault on the
Middle East because it's not

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that valid.
But, you know, all these these

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beautiful places were destroyed.
I mean, did you witness any of

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that when you were little?
Yeah.

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I mean, there is a lot of
different factors that played in

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that role.
You know, I like to think of my

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family as very, like modern
understanding just because, you

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know, amazing people.
I love the people, Iran and

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Persian people.
I think they're one of the most

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wonderful people, amazing
culture, amazing food.

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But I will say I'm not the
biggest fan of the government

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just because I do think that it
just puts a lot of limitations

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on its people.
And you know, they're just

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looking for different aspects of
international politics that, you

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know, I'm not an expert on, but
I just think it doesn't.

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It puts another burden on the
Iranian people.

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So having to go through that,
I've actually seen the green

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movement.
I was in the street, I was a

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teenager when people would hold
up peace signs and having a

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green flags in the green
revolution.

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So having to kind of experienced
that and see that on a personal

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level when I was a teenager, I
think that really did kind of

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shape the narrative and my
understanding of like, wow, you

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know, there's a lot of
limitations that are put on the

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people and I wish there was
waiting for, waiting for us to

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be able to implement that
change.

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So you come here, it's 2012,
pretty much around that time

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period.
Yes, your your your peak is the

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beginning of adolescence.
I mean, you already said there

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was a language barrier.
You struggled with that.

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And I work with little kids and
it's really hard with like three

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and four year olds who don't
speak English.

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So I can't imagine how much more
difficult it would have been for

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you to be in middle school.
Yeah.

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So it was definitely a
challenging experience for sure.

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I was literally carrying out in
a dictionary with me everywhere

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and like sometimes accidentally,
I'm just so used to speaking in

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Persian that I would actually
start speaking Persian to my

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teachers or my friends and I'm
like, ohh sorry, like I'm just

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used to speaking that language.
So it was definitely challenge

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on that part.
The one thing that was

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beneficial though is I don't
know, I think the Iranian

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education system was a little
bit different.

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So everything I was learning in
right around 7th and 8th grade

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was actually things that I've
learned, already learned before.

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I just had to relearn them in a
different language.

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So I I was fortunate enough to
have that educational background

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that kind of helped me, but it
was still challenging in its own

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ways for sure.
What about friends and meeting,

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you know, young people in the
US?

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Yeah, I mean, I still have some
friends that I've actually met

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in middle school, like one of my
really good friends, Tori.

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She was the one who actually
give me a tour at the school

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from middle school and I still
talk to her.

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So, yeah, so we, I do have some
connections.

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And there were some people that
really did assist and were able

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to be super friendly to me, even
though I was not exactly the

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best person to communicate with
because I, you know, language

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barrier.
But I think especially going

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into a Coed school because in
Iran there's no such thing as a

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Coed middle school.
So yeah, So that was one of the

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other things.
I'm like, boys.

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How do you even talk to them?
What even is sex?

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I had no idea.
And like, you know, just going

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through all kinds of emotions
and like being like, wow, I just

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saw my classmate get pregnant at
7th grade.

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That was a huge shock to me.
Oh wow, Yeah.

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How did your parents kind of
deal with those sort of things

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happening at school?
Yeah, that's why I was only

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going to this specific middle
school.

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I was going to for a year and
then they ended up transferring

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me over to an all girls magnet
high school slash middle school.

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So yeah, so I ended up moving
from that school.

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But again, I think that one year
experience definitely kind of

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like was a huge culture shock
for me.

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Not only language, culture,
boys.

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Everything and in between.
I mean even without the culture

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shock, the the phrase how do I
even talk to boys?

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I think a lot of people can
identify with at that age.

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There's there's a lot of
instability between I feel like

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12 and 16 as who you are and
right who you're supposed to be

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or become.
But you end up going to this all

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girls school.
Just one of the memories I

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remember from going to that
middle school is that I think

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somebody asked me like have you
had sex yet?

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Or so many along those lines And
I answered yes, my password says

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female.
That's like that was basically

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my understanding of like, sex at
that point.

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So.
Oh gosh, you know what's funny

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at that?
I think I was about 13 and

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somebody asked my best friend,
does she suck blank?

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And I was so offended.
That I don't think I talked to

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that kid for like the next like
10 years.

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I think I saw him recently when
I went back to my like parents

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home and I was just like, I just
nodded.

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But I was offended that he would
even ask in the 1st place.

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So I think that's something that
nobody should be asking a 13

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year old about, right?
But you graduate from.

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Did you graduate from the girls
school?

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Yeah, that's where I went to for
my 8th grade slash choice in my

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high school.
It was a it's in magnets middle

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school slash high school like
college preparatory school was a

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really good school.
I had a great experience there.

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I would say you know I had good
grades graduated on top of my

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class, was class president, was
involved in cheerleading all the

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clubs you can name it.
I've been on their big club and

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everything.
So I was super involved and I

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like to think I had a very
outgoing personality.

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I.
Would definitely say you do.

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Yeah, for sure.
Thank you.

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Now one of the things that you
told me was that your mental

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issues started shortly after
that, right?

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So I like to think like, you
know, it was kind of challenging

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to acclimate to language and
culture and stuff like that.

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But I think I was given good
opportunities and had good

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friends that helped me get
acclimated.

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And you know, the start of it
was really just summer before

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freshman year of college where I
fortunately had a traumatic

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experience.
And, you know, it's hard for me

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to kind of talk about it.
And I'm sure there's many

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different women that would feel
the way I felt during that time.

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But also coming from Persian
culture, I like to say it's a

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little bit different just
because I do think that, you

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know, in Western culture or
United States, we're more

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accepting and we're learning
more and more what it's like to

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be a victim of sexual assault.
But especially coming from

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Persian culture where you're
like it's very strict and rigid

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and like you should.
Marriage is like seen as a very

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big thing reputation and a lot
of people like will straight up

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not even consider you marriage
material if you're not a virgin.

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And going through that kind of
like cultural mindset.

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Plus, having this traumatic
experience, it was super, super

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hard for me to deal with to the
point that I I honestly didn't

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even tell my parents until a
year after it happened where I

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was so struggling so much with
mental health that I was self

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medicating and I was like, you
know what, I I actually need

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some help and this is kind of
like causing me trouble.

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Right.
Because I mean, you, you're

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trying to start school.
I mean, this should be a really

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exciting, wonderful moment in
your life.

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And instead, well, I guess how
was that first year of school

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for you then?
It was very tough.

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I will say that because, you
know, I came from a background

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where I had all A's and
graduated top of my class and

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gave the commencement speech at
the graduation.

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So I had like B's and C's in my
classes, didn't really pay

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attention because it was just
super hard for me to focus.

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Not only that, but also I was
part of the debate team at the

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college I was attending, which I
had previous experience from

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high school debating.
So and the person who I had this

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traumatic experience was I had
to see him almost every day

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because we were on the same
team.

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So yeah, just and he had a very
good reputation and you know,

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doing really well on the team.
So there was a lot of like

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politics slash power play, Like
should I speak out?

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Like how do I deal with this?
I'm having flashbacks.

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I'm going to the bathroom in
middle practice crying like it

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was just a lot of different
moments that I'm like, you know,

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00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:19,880
I should have probably said
something sooner and I'm voicing

227
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,840
my story just because I'm sure
there's somebody else who's

228
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,880
might be in similar shoes than
me.

229
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,560
And I would really hate for them
to, like, go along this long

230
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:33,920
without seeking treatment and
starting the healing process.

231
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,360
I mean, even if you don't have
any underlying mental health

232
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:42,940
issues, just the trauma.
Alone would be enough that you

233
00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:45,660
would need to reach out for
somebody or some someone to talk

234
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:49,540
to, right?
And then to add on that this guy

235
00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:54,020
is popular and you have to see
him almost every day.

236
00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:56,860
That's terrible.
Yeah.

237
00:13:56,860 --> 00:14:00,340
And it got really bad, to the
point that I was, like,

238
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,580
hallucinating, Hallucinating.
This is where I initially

239
00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:07,220
started, hallucinating his face,
like every, every, almost every

240
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:09,820
guy on campus I would see.
I would think it's him.

241
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:14,320
And when I say like I think it
was, it wasn't like he looks

242
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,880
kind of like a no.
It was like literally I was like

243
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:19,960
hallucinating 100% his face on
other people.

244
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:25,520
So it was very kind of hard for
me to like comprehend because in

245
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:29,160
my eyes it looked like 5 people
with the same face.

246
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,680
But I was like, there's no way
that that's that's the same

247
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:36,200
person, but also like, how do I
fix the situation, you know?

248
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,040
No, I don't have any personal
experience with.

249
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:43,470
This side of mental illness,
like the things that I I deal

250
00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:46,670
with are a little more of the,
like silent ones.

251
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:49,670
You know, people kind of suffer
in silence, but how are you

252
00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:53,470
making it through like your
classes and stuff Then at this

253
00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:56,550
point, Amanda, you said you were
still getting B's and Z's, but I

254
00:14:56,550 --> 00:14:59,710
think that's commendable for
what you're going through.

255
00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:05,070
Yeah, honestly, it was just, I
was doing the absolute bare

256
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:08,570
minimum.
And, you know, because I had

257
00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:12,250
such a great educational
background coming in, I'm

258
00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:15,770
honestly kind of surprised that
I even, like, was able to get

259
00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:17,650
like passing grades at that
point.

260
00:15:18,570 --> 00:15:20,290
Because, you know, I loved
studying.

261
00:15:20,490 --> 00:15:21,970
Like school is something I
enjoyed.

262
00:15:21,970 --> 00:15:26,330
I'm a nerd, like, you know, So
it was just kind of like hard

263
00:15:26,330 --> 00:15:29,210
because one of my passions was
school and it was just so hard

264
00:15:29,210 --> 00:15:32,090
for me to focus and like
actually pay attention in class

265
00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:36,430
that it definitely did impact
like my grades and the way I was

266
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:40,910
performing in classes.
So what?

267
00:15:41,310 --> 00:15:43,630
I mean, what happens next in
terms of this?

268
00:15:43,630 --> 00:15:47,390
Did you stay in the debate club?
Yeah, so in debate.

269
00:15:47,390 --> 00:15:51,430
We traveled nationally a lot for
competitions and I ended up

270
00:15:51,430 --> 00:15:56,850
getting becoming very good
friends with the UC Berkeley

271
00:15:56,850 --> 00:16:00,410
debate team.
And you know, I didn't disclose

272
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:04,210
a lot of my situation, but I was
just like, hey, like I would

273
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:07,090
love to like come debate for
Y'all's team and I'm a really

274
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:10,610
hard worker and even as a
freshman I was making really

275
00:16:10,610 --> 00:16:14,930
good arguments and was able to
place in competitions and stuff.

276
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:21,170
So after speaking to the
Berkeley team, I was able to

277
00:16:21,410 --> 00:16:25,800
transfer over and moved to
Berkeley, CA and was able to

278
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:31,560
debate on their team and I
gladly left the college I was

279
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:36,640
attending for my freshman year.
So it kind of gave me an escape

280
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:40,560
in a way.
But also reminder, I just still

281
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:45,360
hasn't haven't had any treatment
or professional help for healing

282
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,910
at that point.
So you know, I was still kind of

283
00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:51,950
going through all of that even
though like I moved to a new

284
00:16:51,950 --> 00:16:54,830
school and a new state.
So it was kind of better and

285
00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:56,670
like I had like great support
system.

286
00:16:56,670 --> 00:16:59,350
The Berkeley team was absolutely
amazing and very friendly and

287
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:02,270
everything.
But I was still kind of like

288
00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:07,869
struggling mentally and not
healing the the hallucinations

289
00:17:07,869 --> 00:17:09,710
and the delusions that I had at
that point.

290
00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:13,750
Plus like severe depression that
was kind of very are.

291
00:17:14,069 --> 00:17:17,190
You still wearing me down?
Are you still seeing the face of

292
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:20,150
your attacker at Berkeley?
I was not.

293
00:17:20,190 --> 00:17:23,150
And, you know, I think it was
just my mind was just a sodium

294
00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:26,869
associating that specific campus
with that person.

295
00:17:26,910 --> 00:17:29,590
Because I was like, there's no
way, like, I don't know how.

296
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,990
I'm not a psychologist, but
thankfully in Berkeley I did

297
00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:35,430
not.
I I still had some delusions and

298
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:39,190
hallucinations, but it wasn't to
the level of like seeing his

299
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:42,470
face everywhere or being in the
troubled state of mind that I

300
00:17:42,470 --> 00:17:46,020
wouldn't be able to, you know,
work and go to school.

301
00:17:46,460 --> 00:17:51,340
Now you said that you were self
medicating when you were at your

302
00:17:51,340 --> 00:17:54,100
first university.
Did that continue at Berkeley?

303
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:57,460
Cuz that's a lot of pressure.
You get to college, you got this

304
00:17:57,460 --> 00:18:00,700
debate team, you're placing in
competitions and you said you're

305
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:04,990
working.
So I mean, yeah, so I just kind

306
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:09,830
of like relied on different
forms of self medication to just

307
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:12,790
being able to survive.
I want to recommend that.

308
00:18:12,790 --> 00:18:15,710
It was like a temporary fix.
It was basically just putting a

309
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:18,950
Band-Aid on a broken bone, if
I'm being quite honest, yeah.

310
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:22,950
So we go through sophomore June
year, senior year.

311
00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:24,550
You graduate?
Yeah.

312
00:18:24,550 --> 00:18:29,110
So I graduated from Berkeley and
then I actually wanted to

313
00:18:29,110 --> 00:18:32,630
transfer over for UCLA for my
second degree.

314
00:18:33,130 --> 00:18:35,890
Mmhmm.
But um, COVID head and.

315
00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,370
Right.
And then I'm like, ohh, no.

316
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,050
Like what do I do?
I mean, we didn't.

317
00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:42,930
Help any of our mental health
issues, right.

318
00:18:43,050 --> 00:18:46,650
Yeah.
So I think COVID was kind of

319
00:18:46,650 --> 00:18:52,850
like the big hallmarks of me
going into very, very troubled

320
00:18:52,850 --> 00:18:56,370
state of mind because I had all
this unhealed trauma that I was

321
00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:59,570
able to do semi.
OK, yeah, shwid with like self

322
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:02,290
medication and like having
friends and support system.

323
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:07,840
But when COVID had I I was a I
was like moving back to Dallas,

324
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:11,640
which is where my parents
decided to move.

325
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:15,800
While I was in California.
I was no longer able to continue

326
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,360
within my process.
I lost my job and my friends, my

327
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:23,560
support system.
So it's basically taking away

328
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:27,480
all the little things that were
able to at least help me survive

329
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:31,170
and at least be able to continue
on.

330
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,210
And it just I'm, I just broke
down.

331
00:19:34,210 --> 00:19:38,250
Honestly, there was nights where
I would just cry uncontrollably

332
00:19:38,650 --> 00:19:41,610
and my parents would be so
concerned or like what happened?

333
00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:44,330
Like, are you OK?
Like they were super concerned

334
00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:48,370
about me and I would sometimes
even fight them because I didn't

335
00:19:48,370 --> 00:19:51,250
want to tell them what happened
and I was just trying to put the

336
00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:53,410
blame on them.
So they were just like confused

337
00:19:53,410 --> 00:19:55,810
and they're like we don't know
what it is, the situation.

338
00:19:55,810 --> 00:20:02,810
And then that's when I disclosed
to them of what has happened and

339
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:06,610
when I actually started to seek
mental health treatment for my

340
00:20:06,610 --> 00:20:09,650
condition.
Yeah.

341
00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:14,290
And that helped for a little
bit, I would say definitely was

342
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:16,170
useful.
But again, it was online.

343
00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:20,130
And you know, I think mental
health is good to like be

344
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:23,210
online, but for my situation
specifically, I think.

345
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:27,680
More comprehensive care would
have been needed or like in

346
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:32,120
person kind of thing would have
been better situated for that

347
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:38,080
type of no no, sorry for sure.
I'm just sitting here and I'm.

348
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,840
I'm listening to what you're
saying and like so much of it

349
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,960
feels familiar to me, but in a
different way.

350
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,920
I experienced that moment in my
life too, where you're like,

351
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:51,520
I've got, I'm doing it.
I am handling things.

352
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:55,050
And then one little thing
happens and then you just drop

353
00:20:55,050 --> 00:20:56,490
everything.
You're like, I'm handling

354
00:20:56,490 --> 00:20:57,970
nothing.
I can't do anything.

355
00:20:58,210 --> 00:21:02,290
I don't know what to do anymore.
I guess at my like low point, I

356
00:21:02,290 --> 00:21:04,570
think I was seeing a therapist
like 3 * a week.

357
00:21:05,210 --> 00:21:07,170
How?
I mean, you said it was online,

358
00:21:07,170 --> 00:21:09,690
so I don't think.
I don't know if that would have

359
00:21:09,690 --> 00:21:12,610
been no, I don't think that
would have helped me either.

360
00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:15,610
I don't think that really helped
many people, being able to only

361
00:21:15,610 --> 00:21:17,530
see people online.
I know for some people they

362
00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:20,050
really like it.
Yeah, I mean, if it works for

363
00:21:20,050 --> 00:21:22,650
your situation and if you're
able to get the treatment that

364
00:21:22,650 --> 00:21:24,570
you need, everybody situation is
different.

365
00:21:24,570 --> 00:21:28,970
So I'm not saying online threat
therapy doesn't work, but in my

366
00:21:28,970 --> 00:21:32,570
opinion, in my personal
situation it was not very

367
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:33,930
helpful.
Right.

368
00:21:33,930 --> 00:21:38,090
But you do tell your parents
what happened to you and how are

369
00:21:38,090 --> 00:21:40,650
they about it?
Because I know you said among,

370
00:21:40,650 --> 00:21:44,530
you know, traditional Persian
people, they're really intense

371
00:21:44,530 --> 00:21:46,570
about virginity and things like
that.

372
00:21:46,770 --> 00:21:48,530
But your parents super
supportive.

373
00:21:49,490 --> 00:21:52,490
Yeah.
So I do have, I'm very fortunate

374
00:21:52,490 --> 00:21:54,930
to have loving and supporting
parents.

375
00:21:54,930 --> 00:21:58,210
Honestly, looking back, even
with the biggest situation, I'm

376
00:21:58,210 --> 00:22:02,170
like not many parents would do
the things my parents did.

377
00:22:02,170 --> 00:22:08,690
And they were shocked obviously,
and they were understanding to a

378
00:22:08,690 --> 00:22:11,410
level.
But they also was, they were

379
00:22:11,730 --> 00:22:15,050
like, very aware of how this
situation looks within the

380
00:22:15,050 --> 00:22:17,050
Persian community and with its
contacts.

381
00:22:17,050 --> 00:22:20,670
So, you know, they were like,
OK, well, we're gonna get you

382
00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:23,870
treatment, but we're gonna kind
of stay hush, hush on the

383
00:22:23,870 --> 00:22:27,270
situation and try to not make it
a big thing, OK?

384
00:22:27,270 --> 00:22:30,230
Because there were like if any
of the other family members went

385
00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:35,390
out or any like friends or other
people, it might cause some like

386
00:22:35,390 --> 00:22:40,630
reputation damage to our family.
But given that, you know, my

387
00:22:40,630 --> 00:22:44,710
story kind of went global with
Vegas and my mental health

388
00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:47,790
struggle kind of really worse,
right?

389
00:22:47,790 --> 00:22:51,270
I can't really hide it.
Plus, like I looking back, if I

390
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:56,670
were to get, if I were to, had
proper treatment on time even

391
00:22:56,670 --> 00:23:00,470
like after Berkeley or before
Berkeley, I don't even think the

392
00:23:00,470 --> 00:23:03,790
situation in Vegas would have
happened in the 1st place, no.

393
00:23:04,310 --> 00:23:06,980
Absolutely.
I mean that's one of the big

394
00:23:06,980 --> 00:23:09,220
things about this.
I know that, you know, some of

395
00:23:09,220 --> 00:23:12,540
the articles I looked at were
like, oh, she got away with

396
00:23:12,540 --> 00:23:16,220
this, this horrible crime.
And I'm like, I I think this is

397
00:23:16,220 --> 00:23:20,860
one of the few cases in the
world where a judge actually

398
00:23:20,860 --> 00:23:25,580
stopped and looked at everything
and went hold up Before we row

399
00:23:25,580 --> 00:23:30,860
this girl to the wolves, can we
take into account her life is

400
00:23:30,860 --> 00:23:33,580
which we should do in every case
like this?

401
00:23:34,090 --> 00:23:36,050
Yeah, that.
Fortunately, they don't always.

402
00:23:36,490 --> 00:23:38,370
But you know, but we we we're
jumping ahead.

403
00:23:38,610 --> 00:23:41,410
Because we're not.
I guess we're almost near Vegas.

404
00:23:41,410 --> 00:23:44,970
But so you get the initial
amount of mental health care,

405
00:23:46,090 --> 00:23:48,410
right?
Just wanna it wasn't.

406
00:23:48,610 --> 00:23:52,770
Good for you.
Yeah, because it was like I

407
00:23:52,770 --> 00:23:55,490
said, it wasn't really in
person.

408
00:23:55,490 --> 00:24:00,270
And one thing I do regret is I
was kind of resistant to, like,

409
00:24:00,270 --> 00:24:06,070
psychiatric care because from my
perspective, I thought it just

410
00:24:06,070 --> 00:24:09,630
limited my creativity.
And I had a delusion that, like,

411
00:24:10,110 --> 00:24:12,510
psychiatric pills are actually
poison.

412
00:24:12,950 --> 00:24:16,030
And when I've talked about this
delusion that I've had with

413
00:24:16,070 --> 00:24:20,230
other people that have similar
conditions to me and they're

414
00:24:20,230 --> 00:24:23,030
like, I literally had the same
delusion as you like.

415
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:27,000
So it's not very uncommon for
people who have certain mental

416
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,840
health conditions to have
falsified beliefs about what

417
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:35,560
those psychiatric treatment and
what those pills do to your

418
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,640
body.
Because, you know, just like the

419
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,720
same way you would take
antibiotics to for an infection,

420
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,320
you sometimes need certain
medications for your mental

421
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,880
health treatment.
But in my in my thought process

422
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,580
of that time, I thought the
pills were gonna do more damage

423
00:24:53,580 --> 00:24:57,300
than good and that they were
gonna some like somehow harm me

424
00:24:57,300 --> 00:25:03,020
or limit my creativity, which is
super untrue and just my

425
00:25:03,020 --> 00:25:08,380
personal bias at that time.
So I mean that's 2020, we're

426
00:25:08,380 --> 00:25:11,620
still two years before Vegas,
right?

427
00:25:12,140 --> 00:25:17,420
Or is it yes or one year?
Yeah, one year before the attack

428
00:25:17,420 --> 00:25:21,270
in Vegas happens.
What does life look like for you

429
00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:23,030
now?
You know, we're kind of sort of

430
00:25:23,030 --> 00:25:26,510
opening up a little bit.
Yes, definitely.

431
00:25:27,510 --> 00:25:36,710
Do you go right back into school
or so I continued my school and

432
00:25:36,710 --> 00:25:41,510
UCLA, but it was all online and
I just couldn't focus when it

433
00:25:41,510 --> 00:25:44,950
came to online school.
And I know many other students,

434
00:25:44,950 --> 00:25:46,830
although still felt the same
way.

435
00:25:47,390 --> 00:25:50,230
Unless it's not just online.
You're isolated from everybody

436
00:25:50,230 --> 00:25:53,910
and like every You can't even go
to the grocery store more than

437
00:25:53,910 --> 00:25:58,590
like you were needed.
And you're getting stressed out

438
00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:02,710
about washing your hands too
many times and it was just very

439
00:26:03,340 --> 00:26:05,980
kind of like a hectic situation
to deal with overall.

440
00:26:05,980 --> 00:26:10,180
So I think all of us have
experienced some kind of mental

441
00:26:10,180 --> 00:26:12,020
health struggle relating to
COVID.

442
00:26:12,020 --> 00:26:15,820
So combining that with my
previous experiences, it was

443
00:26:15,820 --> 00:26:21,620
kind of like hard to deal with.
But I'm glad that the, that I

444
00:26:21,620 --> 00:26:27,260
was able to start working.
And you know, this is when, like

445
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:31,620
COVID was less of a concern, I
would say.

446
00:26:31,620 --> 00:26:36,960
And yeah, and I was just wanting
to continue with my life,

447
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,680
honestly.
But my mental health got so bad

448
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:44,800
at some point that I was fired
from my job because I was like

449
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,680
literally hallucinating during
my job and like couldn't like do

450
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,920
the performance as that I was
doing in the past and ended up

451
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:57,240
dropping out of school because I
failed all my classes and went

452
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,440
to a mental health facility for
10 days.

453
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:05,820
And this is all like a month
prior to me going to Vegas.

454
00:27:06,060 --> 00:27:12,140
OK, so you leave the facility.
What makes you go to Vegas?

455
00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:17,300
Yeah.
So during that time I thought

456
00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:19,940
the hallucinations and the
delusions were rooted around

457
00:27:19,940 --> 00:27:27,650
Dallas because whenever I moved
from from Lubbock to California

458
00:27:27,650 --> 00:27:31,250
it kind of semi fixed it or like
I I just thought it was a

459
00:27:31,250 --> 00:27:34,810
problem with the state I was
living in and I was resistant to

460
00:27:34,810 --> 00:27:36,450
treatment.
Even though I took my

461
00:27:36,450 --> 00:27:41,970
medications for the time that I
was in the hospital after I was

462
00:27:41,970 --> 00:27:44,570
released, I was still not
wanting to stay in my

463
00:27:44,570 --> 00:27:47,170
medication.
And we had like this huge fight

464
00:27:47,170 --> 00:27:52,770
with my parents and I just
wasn't in a good state of mind.

465
00:27:52,770 --> 00:27:55,290
And I was just like, you know
what?

466
00:27:55,490 --> 00:27:58,490
What is my optimal goal in life?
And I really want to become a

467
00:27:58,490 --> 00:27:59,530
singer.
So.

468
00:28:00,210 --> 00:28:04,250
And I had one of my friends who
I met through college who lived

469
00:28:04,250 --> 00:28:07,650
in Vegas and she was like, hey,
girl, like, come to my

470
00:28:07,650 --> 00:28:09,650
apartment, I'll let you stay
here.

471
00:28:10,390 --> 00:28:14,550
Um, like until you find a job so
you can like, you know, explore

472
00:28:14,550 --> 00:28:18,070
options of like, pursuing the
music career and then ended up

473
00:28:18,150 --> 00:28:21,310
connecting to DJs and this
different voice teachers who

474
00:28:21,310 --> 00:28:23,830
were like, yeah, you should
definitely come move here.

475
00:28:23,830 --> 00:28:28,710
So, um, I did your friend know
about my mental health?

476
00:28:28,710 --> 00:28:30,950
Mmhmm.
She knew.

477
00:28:30,950 --> 00:28:35,710
And I don't think I told her
about the severity of it because

478
00:28:35,710 --> 00:28:39,790
she knew about the whole, like
traumatic experience and all the

479
00:28:39,910 --> 00:28:42,110
I was in.
But in her, I think in her

480
00:28:42,110 --> 00:28:46,470
understanding, I wasn't as
severe as it would cause harm to

481
00:28:46,470 --> 00:28:49,550
myself and others.
Yeah.

482
00:28:49,550 --> 00:28:53,590
So I think that was definitely
concerning for sure.

483
00:28:55,150 --> 00:29:00,230
But yeah, so given that my
intent was just to get a job for

484
00:29:00,230 --> 00:29:04,310
super and music, that was the
reason why I moved to Vegas in

485
00:29:04,310 --> 00:29:07,540
the 1st place.
And I'm probably going to regret

486
00:29:07,540 --> 00:29:12,100
this rest of my life.
But it did unfortunately lead to

487
00:29:12,140 --> 00:29:17,060
an unfortunate circumstance
where somebody did get harmed

488
00:29:17,060 --> 00:29:21,580
and you know, there is no way I
can return back.

489
00:29:21,580 --> 00:29:25,460
I don't have a time machine, but
I can accept responsibility and

490
00:29:25,460 --> 00:29:29,940
I can maybe speak about my
situation, so hopefully others

491
00:29:29,940 --> 00:29:34,780
would relate to it and it
wouldn't happen in a different

492
00:29:34,780 --> 00:29:37,180
circumstance.
Or if you're struggling with

493
00:29:37,180 --> 00:29:39,260
mental health, definitely seek
treatment.

494
00:29:39,300 --> 00:29:44,260
And don't think your pills are
poisoned because you know, in

495
00:29:44,260 --> 00:29:47,740
the long run they do provide
like the adequate care for

496
00:29:47,740 --> 00:29:49,540
certain conditions.
Well, it's.

497
00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:53,620
It's so tough because you
probably needed more than 10

498
00:29:53,620 --> 00:29:58,300
days, but I don't know if this
is your case, but in a lot of

499
00:29:58,300 --> 00:30:02,060
the situations that I've covered
in some of my other cases where

500
00:30:02,060 --> 00:30:04,520
people.
It'll ultimately kill someone.

501
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:09,840
They get kicked out or like the
insurance company goes, all

502
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:11,640
right, that's enough.
We're not going to pay for

503
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,360
anything more.
And the person could have used

504
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,600
more, you know, comprehensive
healthcare for much longer.

505
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,840
I don't know if that's.
Your situation, But I know that

506
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,320
that's a lot for a lot of people
in the US Not everybody has

507
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:26,640
great health insurance even like
the free healthcare doesn't

508
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,240
fully cover everything.
Not those kind of stays.

509
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,240
They're super expensive.
And I know you told me that you

510
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,520
threw away all your medication
the day you got to Vegas because

511
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:41,200
you thought they were poison.
So, right, yeah, I think there's

512
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,360
a lot of different things that
need to be changed.

513
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:48,160
Fortunately, I was not in the
circumstance that you were

514
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,320
describing, although I totally
resonate with that.

515
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,440
And I think there needs to be
more Affordable Care, especially

516
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:59,560
when it comes to creating more
safety in society and providing

517
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:04,100
treatment to people like me who
might need it, you know?

518
00:31:04,380 --> 00:31:06,100
And you're so You were so young
too.

519
00:31:06,620 --> 00:31:10,180
Right.
And not only that, I do think

520
00:31:10,180 --> 00:31:12,900
that there needs to be even like
better after care.

521
00:31:13,140 --> 00:31:17,060
So if you're released from the
hospital, there should be some

522
00:31:17,060 --> 00:31:20,620
kind of program like, hey, are
you still on your medication?

523
00:31:20,620 --> 00:31:23,780
Like just, I don't know, I'm not
a policymaker.

524
00:31:23,780 --> 00:31:25,860
But no, no.
Also kind of like with.

525
00:31:26,220 --> 00:31:29,220
A a like you have a sponsor, You
have a person who calls you.

526
00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:31,020
Hey, are you alright?
What?

527
00:31:31,410 --> 00:31:34,330
Because you're supposed to call
that person if you have, you

528
00:31:34,330 --> 00:31:38,330
know, thoughts about drinking.
Again, I'm like maybe there

529
00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:41,090
could be somebody who you could
call if you're you're having

530
00:31:41,090 --> 00:31:44,250
super depressive thoughts or you
know, something along those

531
00:31:44,250 --> 00:31:47,170
lines, you could talk to
someone, but you're kind of all

532
00:31:47,170 --> 00:31:49,850
on your own, right?
And I know there are like

533
00:31:49,850 --> 00:31:52,770
resources out there and there's
hotlines that you can call and

534
00:31:52,770 --> 00:31:56,650
stuff, but they're not like as
resourceful as I would say to

535
00:31:56,650 --> 00:31:59,130
like physical health.
Like if you go and have a

536
00:31:59,130 --> 00:32:02,420
surgery, your doctor's going to
make an appointment for you to

537
00:32:02,420 --> 00:32:06,020
come to end.
But I've never seen that happen

538
00:32:06,020 --> 00:32:09,260
for like mental health.
So I think just the same way we

539
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:12,500
would treat physical illnesses
and physical wellbeing, we

540
00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:14,900
should be able to treat mental
as well.

541
00:32:15,420 --> 00:32:16,220
No?
I agree with.

542
00:32:16,220 --> 00:32:24,020
You 100% And so this takes us
now it's March 2022, right?

543
00:32:24,340 --> 00:32:27,340
You decide to go on a.
Dating app and talk to somebody.

544
00:32:27,860 --> 00:32:29,860
Yeah.
And at that point, I was just

545
00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:34,180
like so depressed and lonely and
I was just honest, trying to

546
00:32:34,180 --> 00:32:37,620
just connect with somebody.
And I have like, friends that I

547
00:32:37,620 --> 00:32:41,420
would talk to, but I just found
it super difficult to relate on

548
00:32:41,420 --> 00:32:45,060
a romantic level.
And on that specific night, I

549
00:32:45,060 --> 00:32:48,140
honestly just gave up and was
like, you know what?

550
00:32:48,740 --> 00:32:53,100
If these guys don't find
conversations interesting or

551
00:32:53,140 --> 00:32:56,060
they don't wanna, like, connect
with me on a cognitive level,

552
00:32:56,060 --> 00:33:00,520
I'm just gonna like have fun and
see where that goes from there,

553
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,040
which is a very bad mindset.
I will say that.

554
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:08,400
But you know, just providing
context of like, definitely not.

555
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,520
Great, right.
But yeah, so that was like, I

556
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:16,680
didn't have any, like it was
like bad intentions.

557
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,120
Like, ohh, I'm gonna go into
stating out and cause harm.

558
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,840
No, it was just honestly, I was
just lonely and was trying to

559
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:26,440
just go on a date and you know
from some of the.

560
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:31,560
Articles that I read, they said
that you were already fully in a

561
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:35,320
delusion before you're well, I
guess.

562
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,480
I don't like call.
I guess it's the victim in this

563
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:41,080
situation.
Daniel Trevino, before he even

564
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:46,080
arrived, you said that you
looked in a mirror and you

565
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,400
thought you were in a movie,
right.

566
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:53,000
So even like the first week that
I was in Vegas, I was working at

567
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:58,230
Hooters as a Waitres.
And you know, like in Vegas

568
00:33:58,230 --> 00:34:01,590
especially, you see the TV
screens, the slot machines, like

569
00:34:01,590 --> 00:34:05,150
looking at them like it
literally, yeah, the lights were

570
00:34:05,750 --> 00:34:10,190
like absolutely driving me like
crazy because it was just all

571
00:34:10,190 --> 00:34:12,870
the playing in my mind.
No, I never.

572
00:34:12,870 --> 00:34:14,469
Thought about that before?
Wow.

573
00:34:15,750 --> 00:34:18,830
So in your head, like some of
those lights, like the, the and

574
00:34:18,830 --> 00:34:22,230
the sounds of the slot machines,
are they paparazzi?

575
00:34:23,750 --> 00:34:26,750
In a way, that's kind of like
what it was feeling like to me,

576
00:34:26,750 --> 00:34:29,590
especially like whenever we were
checking into the hotel.

577
00:34:30,190 --> 00:34:32,150
I really thought, this is a
movie.

578
00:34:32,150 --> 00:34:34,190
Like, I was in a delusional
state of mind.

579
00:34:34,190 --> 00:34:37,469
I was imagining, like, there was
a camera behind me recording

580
00:34:37,469 --> 00:34:40,510
everything.
And like, I'm an actress in this

581
00:34:40,510 --> 00:34:43,550
movie that I'm playing.
And and what you were referring

582
00:34:43,550 --> 00:34:47,630
to is whenever Daniel went
downstairs to grab some chaser

583
00:34:48,670 --> 00:34:52,670
with her alcohol and, you know,
I looked in the mirror and I'm

584
00:34:52,670 --> 00:34:56,210
like, this is like I was
starting, like to hallucinate

585
00:34:56,210 --> 00:35:00,730
like I'm playing a role in a
scene from the movie The also

586
00:35:00,730 --> 00:35:02,330
done.
And I'm still my Hayek.

587
00:35:02,810 --> 00:35:06,450
I was imagining a snake around
my shoulders.

588
00:35:06,450 --> 00:35:09,650
And when I'm saying it right
now, it sounds a little crazy.

589
00:35:09,650 --> 00:35:12,090
And you're like, there's no way
there could just be a snake on

590
00:35:12,090 --> 00:35:14,370
your shoulder.
But you know, when you're in

591
00:35:14,370 --> 00:35:19,000
that state of mind, it
absolutely is 100% real to that

592
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,360
person.
And it was 100% real to me.

593
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,120
If someone were to walk in, if
my mom were to walk in at that

594
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,480
moment or like there's not a
snake in your shoulders, I'd be

595
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,560
like, no, there's no way.
Like you're lying.

596
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,640
I wouldn't believe them.
You know, and.

597
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:36,000
So you said one of the things
you told me in our Pre interview

598
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:40,720
is that you were definitely
still using multiple substances,

599
00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:46,470
drinking a lot during right pre.
The attack in the hotel room.

600
00:35:47,070 --> 00:35:49,990
So you're having delusions.
You're not.

601
00:35:50,390 --> 00:35:53,990
Even if you were not having
delusions, you're not sober,

602
00:35:54,710 --> 00:35:56,390
right?
And then?

603
00:35:56,830 --> 00:36:00,590
As the two of you start to hook
up, you stabbed him.

604
00:36:01,310 --> 00:36:06,190
Do you remember that at all?
I do have like a brief, like

605
00:36:06,190 --> 00:36:09,350
anemia from the whole
experience.

606
00:36:09,510 --> 00:36:13,230
Even whenever I was in custody,
I wasn't fully comprehending

607
00:36:13,230 --> 00:36:15,630
like what actually happened.
I actually had to hear from my

608
00:36:15,670 --> 00:36:19,030
own attorneys that XYZ happened.
So wow.

609
00:36:19,670 --> 00:36:22,950
And you know, being the
medications I was on, it's not

610
00:36:22,950 --> 00:36:25,670
like you just take it one day
and you're like, OK, well,

611
00:36:25,830 --> 00:36:27,350
Delusion's gone.
He was gone.

612
00:36:27,350 --> 00:36:31,310
And some of the withdrawals are
right for sure.

613
00:36:31,310 --> 00:36:38,150
So like withdrawals from the
like alcohol and drugs plus like

614
00:36:38,190 --> 00:36:41,310
going cold Turkey on my
medication and then going back

615
00:36:41,310 --> 00:36:43,750
on my medication and the
medications take at least three

616
00:36:43,750 --> 00:36:46,750
weeks for it to like be falling
in your system and it works.

617
00:36:46,750 --> 00:36:51,390
So it did take me a little bit
for me to like fully comprehend.

618
00:36:51,390 --> 00:36:54,870
That's why I went through like a
competency hearing and reporting

619
00:36:56,110 --> 00:37:00,470
where like I was diagnosed with
schizophrenia from the doctors

620
00:37:00,550 --> 00:37:07,370
of the custody at that point.
So, you know it is kind of hard

621
00:37:07,370 --> 00:37:11,210
for me to remember but also
being told by my attorneys

622
00:37:11,210 --> 00:37:14,290
reading the news articles, which
I don't think they're all

623
00:37:14,290 --> 00:37:16,690
accurate, but you know, just
like trying to see and

624
00:37:16,690 --> 00:37:20,930
comprehend what I actually said,
you know one of the things that.

625
00:37:20,930 --> 00:37:22,450
The.
Really.

626
00:37:23,090 --> 00:37:27,930
Which I thought was in poor
taste, was them posting the

627
00:37:27,930 --> 00:37:31,410
picture of you, like wrapped up
in a hotel sheet?

628
00:37:32,300 --> 00:37:37,380
In the hallway of the hotel and
I'm just like, do we need to see

629
00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:43,500
that, right?
Yeah, I yeah, I was not like in

630
00:37:43,500 --> 00:37:46,820
a good state of mind, but also I
thought it was kind of like

631
00:37:47,420 --> 00:37:50,780
troublesome to kind of post that
kind of video online.

632
00:37:50,780 --> 00:37:54,660
I understand it's public record
and everything, but I don't

633
00:37:54,660 --> 00:37:56,820
know.
I thought it wasn't necessary.

634
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:02,200
Let's put the the pretty girl
who did something bad half naked

635
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:06,000
on our new site, right?
And the other thing is there was

636
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:10,640
zero female officers during the
entire integration integration

637
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:14,800
as well.
So I was interviewed by three

638
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,480
police officers as well as
Homeland Security that came

639
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:22,080
afterwards, and there was no
female still undressed while

640
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,890
they're.
Talking to you, the police

641
00:38:24,890 --> 00:38:29,250
officers, I was covered in a bed
sheet and I was writing nothing

642
00:38:29,250 --> 00:38:33,450
but a bad book and I did ask
them multiple times, can I

643
00:38:33,450 --> 00:38:35,770
remove this?
It's making me a little

644
00:38:35,810 --> 00:38:41,170
uncomfortable and they straight
up said no, so are you kidding?

645
00:38:41,370 --> 00:38:43,730
Yeah, Wow.
See now?

646
00:38:43,730 --> 00:38:46,690
That is not something that was
mentioned in any of the articles

647
00:38:46,690 --> 00:38:49,570
that I read about you.
And that's wild, see.

648
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:52,040
Yeah, you.
Yes, you.

649
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,800
You did the bad thing at the
time, and they had no idea why

650
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,720
you did the bad thing.
But I mean, we have all these

651
00:38:57,720 --> 00:39:00,360
conversations over and over
again in this country about

652
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:06,080
treating people in custody with
respect and dignity, and they

653
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:09,960
definitely did not do that for
you, right?

654
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,880
And like, whenever Homeland
Security, you're right.

655
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:18,040
For my second interview, I was
just given like just a large

656
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,740
tshirt and that's it.
So what?

657
00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:23,340
OK.
So I'm sure no one really

658
00:39:23,340 --> 00:39:27,220
understands why Homeland
Security just brought into right

659
00:39:27,380 --> 00:39:29,980
so.
Do you want to explain that to

660
00:39:30,020 --> 00:39:34,220
the listeners how that happened?
Yeah.

661
00:39:34,220 --> 00:39:39,060
So when the police were
interrogating me at the initial

662
00:39:39,060 --> 00:39:45,900
interview, I they asked me why I
did it and I said for revenge

663
00:39:45,980 --> 00:39:52,620
and I named a guy that is
military leader from Iran.

664
00:39:52,620 --> 00:40:00,020
So which is known as a pretty, I
would say negatively perceptive

665
00:40:00,020 --> 00:40:04,300
like person known as a, you
know, I'm not going to say the

666
00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:06,900
word, but you can do your
research I think.

667
00:40:07,300 --> 00:40:10,060
I think the quotes.
That I saw said that you said it

668
00:40:10,060 --> 00:40:13,780
was because of spite and
revenge, and then you said, I

669
00:40:13,780 --> 00:40:17,380
mean the US killed Soleimani.
Lots of blood spilled.

670
00:40:17,860 --> 00:40:20,700
So I feel like it's fair that
American blood be spilled.

671
00:40:20,980 --> 00:40:24,260
And at the time you said that
you thought you were in the TV

672
00:40:24,260 --> 00:40:28,530
show Homeland, and so that they
were just you.

673
00:40:28,530 --> 00:40:31,690
You were really going with the
this is a TV show about

674
00:40:31,810 --> 00:40:34,210
terrorism and stuff like this,
right?

675
00:40:34,210 --> 00:40:35,570
Like I.
Thought I was some kind of

676
00:40:35,570 --> 00:40:38,890
secret agent and this is a role
I'm playing and apparently they

677
00:40:38,890 --> 00:40:42,370
want me to still saying like my
role and they don't want me to

678
00:40:42,370 --> 00:40:45,530
remove the butt plug even though
it's left from the last scene.

679
00:40:45,530 --> 00:40:48,290
Like I was just trying to
comprehend what was going on

680
00:40:48,290 --> 00:40:50,490
because it was just so unreal to
me and.

681
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:55,400
You know, to be clear, like I
absolutely do not support what I

682
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,200
said politically during that
interrogation.

683
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,520
And I love America.
What?

684
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:02,560
You said, right?
Yeah.

685
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,600
I was just in such a troubled
state of mind.

686
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:10,920
I've had doctors, psychologists,
multiple people, not only from

687
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:14,280
the ones that my attorney
recommended, but from the state

688
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:18,410
of Nevada as well that that had.
The validations on me and they

689
00:41:18,410 --> 00:41:21,770
all concluded that I had
absolutely no ties to a

690
00:41:21,770 --> 00:41:25,410
terroristic organization nor did
I have the beliefs that I said

691
00:41:25,410 --> 00:41:31,930
during that, you know, interview
and that I was basically just

692
00:41:31,930 --> 00:41:34,770
staying gibberish.
And and within the delusion of

693
00:41:34,770 --> 00:41:38,410
me being carried from Homeland,
which Carrie also has like

694
00:41:38,410 --> 00:41:41,410
bipolar disorders or I kind of
like related to her in some

695
00:41:41,410 --> 00:41:43,970
ways.
I think that kind of provides a

696
00:41:43,970 --> 00:41:46,850
better context of like why I
said that.

697
00:41:47,050 --> 00:41:51,650
And you know, just to provide
better explanation, I'm not

698
00:41:51,650 --> 00:41:54,250
justifying what I did or what I
said at all.

699
00:41:54,250 --> 00:41:58,650
But hey, like, I'm just saying
that's why I said what I said.

700
00:41:59,050 --> 00:42:02,730
So you got all these people
interrogating you Now we have

701
00:42:02,730 --> 00:42:05,130
Homeland Security come in, they
do an interrogation.

702
00:42:05,130 --> 00:42:09,450
I'm sure they're ripping through
every item you own, every piece

703
00:42:09,450 --> 00:42:13,450
of Internet or, you know, your
phone, your computer, everything

704
00:42:13,450 --> 00:42:16,650
they can to try and figure out,
do you have any ties to

705
00:42:16,650 --> 00:42:18,450
terrorist organizations?
Stuff like that.

706
00:42:18,690 --> 00:42:23,170
But you're in prison at this
point when all this is going on

707
00:42:23,290 --> 00:42:26,690
and you're still not medicated,
right?

708
00:42:26,690 --> 00:42:29,250
Yeah.
So I had, I was in jail at that

709
00:42:29,250 --> 00:42:31,810
time and you know, they had
everything I had.

710
00:42:31,850 --> 00:42:35,690
They had access to everything.
And they Homeland Security also

711
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:38,930
concluded I had no ties to
terrorist organization.

712
00:42:38,930 --> 00:42:40,730
It was like an isolated
incident.

713
00:42:41,260 --> 00:42:44,460
So I think it's important to
point that out because I'm sure

714
00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:47,580
they do very good comprehensive
analysis.

715
00:42:47,580 --> 00:42:49,700
They do pretty serious, you
know, like checks.

716
00:42:49,780 --> 00:42:51,660
Right.
You know, like I worked for the

717
00:42:51,660 --> 00:42:55,060
feds for about a year and a half
and the amount that they look

718
00:42:55,060 --> 00:42:59,700
into your history is intense.
So I I think they they went all

719
00:42:59,700 --> 00:43:02,620
in probably, right?
Like if there.

720
00:43:02,620 --> 00:43:06,100
Was 1% of anything that would
have tied me, they would have

721
00:43:06,100 --> 00:43:07,740
said so.
They would have found it.

722
00:43:08,610 --> 00:43:10,890
I mean, you weren't exactly
hiding anything about your life

723
00:43:10,890 --> 00:43:16,570
really at that point, right?
So you said that they did a

724
00:43:16,570 --> 00:43:19,570
competency hearing.
When was that I?

725
00:43:20,170 --> 00:43:24,650
Think that was a few weeks into
me being in custody.

726
00:43:24,650 --> 00:43:27,530
And you know, at that point I
was told by my attorney what

727
00:43:27,530 --> 00:43:28,970
happened.
I had phone calls with my

728
00:43:28,970 --> 00:43:35,010
parents and was able to stand my
medication on a routinely level

729
00:43:35,010 --> 00:43:39,540
and I was.
You know, I realized what I did,

730
00:43:39,540 --> 00:43:43,740
and it was traumatic to me even,
like, ever had countless nights

731
00:43:43,740 --> 00:43:47,820
in custody that I would cry
uncontrollably because I

732
00:43:47,820 --> 00:43:50,380
regretted what I did.
And I'm like, there's no way I

733
00:43:50,380 --> 00:43:51,860
did this.
I was in denial.

734
00:43:51,860 --> 00:43:55,180
And I'm like, but everybody's
saying you did it and I'm like,

735
00:43:55,180 --> 00:44:00,860
OK, well, you know, life just
sometimes takes either roller

736
00:44:00,860 --> 00:44:04,300
coaster and sometimes an
unfortunate circumstance happens

737
00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:07,230
and.
What I can do from it is to

738
00:44:07,230 --> 00:44:10,630
realize what I did, stay on my
medication and try to make a

739
00:44:10,630 --> 00:44:14,430
positive outcome from it.
And I'm very fortunate and

740
00:44:14,430 --> 00:44:18,310
thankful that the judge was able
to realize the full

741
00:44:18,310 --> 00:44:24,190
comprehensive analysis of my
background, but also the

742
00:44:24,190 --> 00:44:28,070
doctor's reports to reports from
Homeland Security and everything

743
00:44:28,070 --> 00:44:30,990
that I've done in the past year
while I was on house arrest,

744
00:44:30,990 --> 00:44:33,590
which included working full
time.

745
00:44:34,140 --> 00:44:39,140
Going to school, volunteering
and just staying good on my

746
00:44:39,140 --> 00:44:43,260
treatment and really do making a
change in my lifestyle.

747
00:44:43,860 --> 00:44:48,540
Well, one of the things that I
thought was pretty poignant was

748
00:44:48,540 --> 00:44:52,380
that you said that it was about
six weeks before you sort of

749
00:44:53,060 --> 00:44:56,620
came out of this fog.
Right.

750
00:44:56,980 --> 00:44:59,420
Were you still detained at that
point?

751
00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:01,980
Or I I know at some point they
allowed you to go home to your

752
00:45:01,980 --> 00:45:03,770
parents.
Yeah, 6.

753
00:45:03,770 --> 00:45:07,610
Weeks is whenever I was released
from custody is OK.

754
00:45:07,890 --> 00:45:11,450
Whenever like they had the
determination that I had enough

755
00:45:11,490 --> 00:45:16,610
incompetency to be able to you
know realize what I did and

756
00:45:16,610 --> 00:45:18,370
understand the charges against
me.

757
00:45:18,810 --> 00:45:21,690
OK, how?
I mean I understand you're you

758
00:45:21,690 --> 00:45:23,890
said you you're crying a lot.
You feel terrible before what

759
00:45:23,890 --> 00:45:27,610
you've done.
You you head back home there

760
00:45:27,650 --> 00:45:32,410
while the case is pending and
your lawyers doing his thing and

761
00:45:32,490 --> 00:45:35,810
or their thing and you know
dealing with the state of

762
00:45:35,810 --> 00:45:38,050
Nevada.
Did you just decide you were

763
00:45:38,050 --> 00:45:43,410
going to try and, like, be busy
while the fate of your life kind

764
00:45:43,410 --> 00:45:48,290
of hung in the balance?
I just thought like it would be

765
00:45:48,290 --> 00:45:52,130
good to just, you know,
obviously seek treatment, but

766
00:45:52,130 --> 00:45:55,610
also I wanted to continue with
my life and you know.

767
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:58,880
I'm really glad we're doing this
podcast because September was a

768
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,840
suicide prevention month.
And you know, even if you are in

769
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:06,640
a super dark state of mind, it's
always good to have a positive

770
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:10,240
outlook.
And like, you know, even if you

771
00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:13,640
are in a very dark place and you
have an unfortunate circumstance

772
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:18,120
and stressful events like I had
like I had, there's always ways

773
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,320
to look for the future and
staying optimal.

774
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:23,360
OK.
So you decide you're going to

775
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:28,140
reenroll in school, go work full
time, volunteer.

776
00:46:28,620 --> 00:46:33,300
But one of the things that I saw
said that your university

777
00:46:34,460 --> 00:46:38,820
realized what was going on and
stopped you from attending

778
00:46:38,820 --> 00:46:41,540
classes on campus.
Yeah, so.

779
00:46:41,540 --> 00:46:47,540
It was banned from campus and
you know it was a very non good.

780
00:46:47,930 --> 00:46:50,890
Kind of experience because, you
know, like I said, I love school

781
00:46:50,890 --> 00:46:54,530
and this is a school that my dad
was a professor at, so imagine

782
00:46:54,650 --> 00:46:55,570
that.
Wow.

783
00:46:55,690 --> 00:47:01,210
OK, Yeah, so.
There is just no questions

784
00:47:01,210 --> 00:47:05,210
within the application process
that had any questions regarding

785
00:47:05,210 --> 00:47:08,330
if I had any charges I would
have fully disclosed that you

786
00:47:08,330 --> 00:47:12,310
know the only thing they ask is
if you've been convicted and

787
00:47:12,350 --> 00:47:14,710
that's.
For if you get federal funds

788
00:47:14,910 --> 00:47:18,190
from the government but you can
still go to school with a

789
00:47:18,190 --> 00:47:19,590
conviction.
They just don't want to give you

790
00:47:19,590 --> 00:47:22,390
money for it.
So they have no idea until this

791
00:47:22,390 --> 00:47:25,750
becomes like news again because
it was big news when it

792
00:47:25,750 --> 00:47:28,190
happened.
I remember like kind of because

793
00:47:28,190 --> 00:47:31,990
like I have like a ticker of of
I get notifications of things of

794
00:47:31,990 --> 00:47:34,510
crimes happening.
And I was definitely more

795
00:47:34,510 --> 00:47:38,190
interested in the, the part
where you you said you were

796
00:47:38,710 --> 00:47:40,670
getting revenge on a drone
strike.

797
00:47:41,010 --> 00:47:43,330
That's what kind of piqued my
interest when I first saw it.

798
00:47:43,330 --> 00:47:46,770
But then it kind of falls off
everybody's radar.

799
00:47:46,770 --> 00:47:49,290
How did they even find out?
Yeah.

800
00:47:49,290 --> 00:47:53,970
So music was one of the passions
that I had and it was the main

801
00:47:53,970 --> 00:47:57,050
reason why I even moved to the
Vegas in the 1st place and.

802
00:47:58,730 --> 00:48:00,970
I was fortunate that I was
working with a really good

803
00:48:00,970 --> 00:48:04,490
studio and was working on
different albums and music

804
00:48:04,490 --> 00:48:08,130
videos and it was part of my
employment, you know, like I was

805
00:48:08,130 --> 00:48:10,490
allowed to work during house
arrest, but.

806
00:48:11,500 --> 00:48:16,180
Like some people within my
campus discovered my identity, I

807
00:48:16,180 --> 00:48:18,780
would say, with some Google
searches from my music.

808
00:48:18,780 --> 00:48:23,500
And OK, yeah, so then they
reported it to the campus police

809
00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:26,100
and it just kind of became like
a big scandalous thing.

810
00:48:26,100 --> 00:48:30,020
Girl on house harasser.
There goes right like girl on

811
00:48:30,020 --> 00:48:31,980
house.
Harass goes to do music videos

812
00:48:31,980 --> 00:48:34,260
and police don't know that's the
headlines.

813
00:48:34,260 --> 00:48:36,670
But that's not.
Right.

814
00:48:36,670 --> 00:48:39,590
Which is like kind of not true
because I checked with my

815
00:48:39,590 --> 00:48:42,070
attorney, it was legitimate
employment.

816
00:48:42,110 --> 00:48:46,550
I checked with my house arrest
GPS company, like they gave,

817
00:48:46,910 --> 00:48:51,990
like they fully knew.
I do not know how that police

818
00:48:51,990 --> 00:48:55,670
didn't have any ideas that I was
making music videos, let alone

819
00:48:55,790 --> 00:48:59,750
like attending a college campus.
So OK, I'm honestly trying to

820
00:49:00,030 --> 00:49:02,470
figure out how that happened in
the media.

821
00:49:03,220 --> 00:49:05,980
But it was.
It was a second wave of media, I

822
00:49:05,980 --> 00:49:09,780
would say, that kind of made my
story trickle back into the new

823
00:49:09,820 --> 00:49:12,220
cycle.
The other thing too is, I mean,

824
00:49:12,220 --> 00:49:19,020
like, I get on one hand wanting
to feel safe or whatever, but

825
00:49:19,060 --> 00:49:22,060
the other hand is like, they
were like, she lives here with

826
00:49:22,060 --> 00:49:25,460
her parents and she goes to this
school and I'm like, yeah, just

827
00:49:25,820 --> 00:49:28,620
give this girls whole
everything.

828
00:49:30,230 --> 00:49:32,310
I mean, I know Texas is a big
place, but I don't know if the

829
00:49:32,310 --> 00:49:35,310
city that they listed in the
articles is a big place.

830
00:49:35,510 --> 00:49:37,750
Geez.
Yeah.

831
00:49:37,750 --> 00:49:40,670
And like looking back right now,
I don't know if you heard of the

832
00:49:41,230 --> 00:49:45,070
different cases of like people
who are facing criminal charges

833
00:49:45,070 --> 00:49:49,350
who are able to attend campus
like Alex Trevino or Alex

834
00:49:49,350 --> 00:49:51,390
Trevino.
I'm not sure if I'm saying her

835
00:49:51,390 --> 00:49:55,430
name correctly, but I'm like
there is or different

836
00:49:56,110 --> 00:49:59,270
accusations where the same
school.

837
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:03,600
Allowed somebody to attend
campus on a rape charge, and

838
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,200
they ended up getting convicted
and going to prison for 20

839
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:09,440
years.
And I'm like, yeah, so I'm like,

840
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:14,160
OK, well, given the back history
of here, why am I the exception

841
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:17,200
of like, not being able to
attend campus?

842
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,400
I'm not saying that all people
facing charges should be able to

843
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:23,840
attend school, but I do think
that I think the background of

844
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:25,800
my specific case was kind of
looked.

845
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:31,880
Overlooked in a way, because I
don't think the decision for me

846
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:38,760
to get kicked out of school was
a justified 10 K So essentially

847
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:46,200
we come up to this year.
I mean, a judge determines that

848
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:50,560
you're not a risk and that there
were extenuating circumstances

849
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:53,520
in your attack and put you on
probation for three years,

850
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:56,720
that's also that was a pretty
big deal too.

851
00:50:57,110 --> 00:50:59,510
I mean, people were expecting
everyone to kind of throw the

852
00:50:59,510 --> 00:51:02,110
book at you, right?
And being.

853
00:51:02,110 --> 00:51:03,990
Initially charged with attempted
murder.

854
00:51:03,990 --> 00:51:06,630
It's not a like it's not a
misdemeanor.

855
00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:10,070
It's it's a very serious charge
and for the attempted murder

856
00:51:10,070 --> 00:51:14,470
charge to be dropped and you
know for me to be on probation,

857
00:51:14,470 --> 00:51:19,720
it was, it said that very
settled essentially.

858
00:51:19,720 --> 00:51:20,320
Yeah.
I mean, so I.

859
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,840
Did I did take a guilty plea
agreement?

860
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:26,680
So the 10 murder charge was
dropped and I pled guilty to two

861
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:31,160
counts of false imprisonments,
which is like a category B

862
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:32,920
felony, I believe.
Correct.

863
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:37,480
Check on this.
But but yeah, I'm like, it's all

864
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:38,560
good legal jargon.
I don't.

865
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:44,270
Know, But yeah, so just.
Being able to work with and that

866
00:51:44,270 --> 00:51:47,510
context given the amount of
evidence within doctors,

867
00:51:47,510 --> 00:51:51,990
investigators were saying that
this was an isolated incident.

868
00:51:51,990 --> 00:51:54,230
I had 0 criminal history before
this.

869
00:51:54,230 --> 00:51:57,710
I had great grades.
I was a positive contributing

870
00:51:57,710 --> 00:52:04,310
member of society and was just
not on my medication and was not

871
00:52:04,310 --> 00:52:06,350
in the right mind when this
incident happened.

872
00:52:06,350 --> 00:52:09,350
So if the judge thought that
like if.

873
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:12,520
Driver to continue on this
positive path that I'm on Corey

874
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:15,400
late.
Then I would be able to

875
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:18,880
essentially have a second
chance, and I'm really grateful

876
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:22,400
that I was afforded one.
One of the things I've seen

877
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:26,080
people say, not just about your
case, but other people in this

878
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:28,880
state, they go, well, what
happens if this person stops

879
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:32,120
taking their meds again?
How do we feel safe?

880
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:38,490
What's your response to that?
So under one of my conditions on

881
00:52:38,490 --> 00:52:43,210
probation is that I must stay on
my treatment regimen.

882
00:52:43,210 --> 00:52:48,410
So my doctor writes reports from
my probation officer that yes,

883
00:52:48,410 --> 00:52:52,650
she is in fact coming to my or
attending the sessions that

884
00:52:52,650 --> 00:52:56,690
we're having.
And I do routinely get drug

885
00:52:56,690 --> 00:53:00,090
tested not only to make sure I'm
not taking illicit drugs, but

886
00:53:00,090 --> 00:53:02,450
also that there's enough drugs
in my assistant that.

887
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,280
I'm supposed to be taking, so I
do think that there's a lot of

888
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:10,440
precautions and systems in place
for me to ensure that I do stay

889
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:14,400
on my meds, okay.
I mean, that should hopefully

890
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:18,320
make anyone at your school feel,
I guess, a little bit more

891
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:23,240
comfortable, right?
Yeah, that's where I guess

892
00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:26,720
things start to change for you.
I mean, you decide to write a

893
00:53:26,720 --> 00:53:28,550
book.
Yeah, so.

894
00:53:28,790 --> 00:53:33,030
Because of like legal advice and
my attorneys, we were not

895
00:53:33,030 --> 00:53:37,030
allowed to or I was not allowed
to like speak on this matter or

896
00:53:37,030 --> 00:53:42,430
my background when mental health
because they wanted to settle

897
00:53:42,430 --> 00:53:46,190
this legally.
And then when my case was

898
00:53:46,190 --> 00:53:49,830
closed, I realized there is just
so many inaccuracies in the

899
00:53:49,830 --> 00:53:53,590
media, and there's so many ways
that are my story is reshaped

900
00:53:53,590 --> 00:53:56,660
and reform essentialized that.
Doesn't really fully capture

901
00:53:56,660 --> 00:54:00,540
what actually happened.
And I wanted to kind of tell my

902
00:54:00,540 --> 00:54:04,580
own narrative and the true story
of what had happened not only

903
00:54:04,580 --> 00:54:09,020
during that night, but also
providing context of Iran and

904
00:54:09,100 --> 00:54:14,020
how I moved to the United States
being an immigrants in America

905
00:54:14,020 --> 00:54:17,580
and just providing a more
comprehensive narrative on my

906
00:54:17,580 --> 00:54:20,740
story.
And, you know, maybe it'll

907
00:54:20,740 --> 00:54:22,340
inspire others.
That's.

908
00:54:23,290 --> 00:54:26,210
Nothing is impossible in life
that you can achieve anything

909
00:54:26,210 --> 00:54:30,690
you send your mind into, but
also how important it is to have

910
00:54:30,690 --> 00:54:34,610
discussions of mental health and
being able to spotlight those

911
00:54:34,610 --> 00:54:37,250
stories.
One of the main things that I've

912
00:54:37,450 --> 00:54:41,410
actually faced pretty recently
is that I've talked to some

913
00:54:41,410 --> 00:54:45,050
different news stations and news
outlets and they do an interview

914
00:54:45,050 --> 00:54:49,620
on me and I'm focusing the.
Talking more about awareness on

915
00:54:49,620 --> 00:54:52,420
mental health and when I'm not
answering those centralized

916
00:54:52,420 --> 00:54:56,220
questions like what color was
the knife They're kind of like

917
00:54:56,220 --> 00:54:59,940
taking back and they don't ended
up reporting on it or releasing

918
00:54:59,940 --> 00:55:02,420
the interview.
So that just says a few things.

919
00:55:02,420 --> 00:55:06,220
One media just wants to report
on whatever they want to report

920
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:08,260
on.
And also they're don't want to

921
00:55:08,260 --> 00:55:12,100
report on important topics such
as mental health comprehensively

922
00:55:12,100 --> 00:55:15,060
sometimes in my opinion, because
I'm like.

923
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:19,360
Well, I'm refusing the questions
that are like not relevant nor

924
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:21,360
important.
Silly, too, because that's

925
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:25,200
something that's a detail that
was mentioned hundreds of times.

926
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:27,800
They know what color the knife
was.

927
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:32,960
I I don't know what getting you
to say it out loud would do for

928
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:36,120
the interview process, but they
take it as a sign that you're

929
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:39,000
not being compliant and then
they just don't show the

930
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,200
interview.
Or I'm not.

931
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,640
Giving them like the kind of
story that would make it.

932
00:55:44,380 --> 00:55:46,580
Quote UN quote.
Interesting to their viewer.

933
00:55:46,580 --> 00:55:48,420
I don't know.
They want the they want the

934
00:55:48,420 --> 00:55:53,860
sexy, the sexy story, right?
And, well, that's not what this

935
00:55:53,860 --> 00:55:57,260
is.
This isn't, this isn't a sexy,

936
00:55:57,460 --> 00:56:02,220
you know, situation.
Yes, you you were beginning the

937
00:56:02,220 --> 00:56:05,620
process of getting intimate with
someone when the attack

938
00:56:05,620 --> 00:56:09,300
happened, which was a big thing
that all the news outlets made

939
00:56:09,300 --> 00:56:11,980
sure to mention.
Right.

940
00:56:11,980 --> 00:56:14,700
But I don't think if there were
needs, if there were gonna be

941
00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:19,740
continued reporting on it like
the main take away should be

942
00:56:19,740 --> 00:56:24,420
mental health like absolutely.
I don't think it does it any

943
00:56:24,460 --> 00:56:28,140
good to just reiterate what was
already said.

944
00:56:28,620 --> 00:56:30,980
Well, and also the thing too is
another thing that people kind

945
00:56:30,980 --> 00:56:33,820
of forget is that there is a
another person involved in this

946
00:56:33,820 --> 00:56:36,980
case and and he has to see all
these things.

947
00:56:37,540 --> 00:56:40,340
You know if he looks up his
name, it's connected to your

948
00:56:40,340 --> 00:56:43,800
name from now on.
And how I would, you know, how

949
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,920
would you feel if if you were
the victim of a crime and then

950
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:50,400
you know there's a a sexy
Hallmark, not Hallmark.

951
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,720
What's that one channel that
makes all those movies that are

952
00:56:53,720 --> 00:56:57,200
kind of it might be Hallmark.
I got a sexy Hallmark movie

953
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:58,960
about the day that you almost
died.

954
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:02,800
That would feel terrible, right?
Like, that's one of the things

955
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:07,200
that keeps popping up in true
crime conversations this year is

956
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:12,820
that there needs to be more
respect for, like, victims,

957
00:57:12,820 --> 00:57:17,140
families and everybody involved.
Like, yes, you are watching this

958
00:57:17,140 --> 00:57:20,180
and I guess yes, it is
entertainment, but there's a way

959
00:57:20,180 --> 00:57:22,780
that you can do it and not be
gross.

960
00:57:23,820 --> 00:57:28,420
Right, exactly.
And so the name of your book is

961
00:57:28,860 --> 00:57:33,340
Who is Nika Nakubin?
A bloody Las Vegas hotel story.

962
00:57:33,820 --> 00:57:37,540
And that's where you want to try
and set the record straight.

963
00:57:38,300 --> 00:57:38,780
Yeah.
For.

964
00:57:38,820 --> 00:57:39,820
Sure.
Yeah, I wanted to.

965
00:57:40,230 --> 00:57:44,790
Kind of spot like my story, like
I've said and provide a better

966
00:57:44,790 --> 00:57:47,590
narrative that was portrayed in
the media because I don't think

967
00:57:47,590 --> 00:57:53,030
they've done it accurately nor
that they fully comprehended

968
00:57:53,310 --> 00:57:58,470
comprehensively provided context
for certain matters and but also

969
00:57:58,510 --> 00:58:01,470
a portion of their proceeds does
go to the National Mental Health

970
00:58:01,470 --> 00:58:03,710
Alliance.
You know, I'm not a, I'm not a

971
00:58:03,710 --> 00:58:06,910
lawyer, I'm not a policy maker.
But if there's anything I can do

972
00:58:06,910 --> 00:58:11,000
my power to.
Implement positive change in

973
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:14,960
society.
I would help to see it and I've

974
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:19,240
actually had a book signing
event at Barnes and Noble this

975
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:22,400
this past weekend, which was a
super great turn around.

976
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:26,480
And I'm honestly kind of blown
away by the amount of support

977
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:30,240
that people have had for me and
being able to sell all the

978
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:33,480
installed copies that in less
than an hour and everybody

979
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:36,840
showing on and showing support.
It honestly kind of made my

980
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,510
world especially.
Because I've had, like, high

981
00:58:39,510 --> 00:58:42,390
school people who have said
negative things about me on the

982
00:58:42,390 --> 00:58:45,190
Internet when it first initially
happened, and then they reached

983
00:58:45,190 --> 00:58:48,590
out to me, they were like, they
were apologizing and saying, Oh

984
00:58:48,590 --> 00:58:51,590
my gosh, I read your book.
I I understand what you're going

985
00:58:51,590 --> 00:58:53,910
through.
I'm so glad you seek treatment.

986
00:58:53,910 --> 00:58:56,710
So, you know, if that's the
impact I'm getting from

987
00:58:56,710 --> 00:59:00,910
publishing this book, I think it
has done a lot of good for sure.

988
00:59:01,030 --> 00:59:04,140
No, that's great.
And I mean, I know you said that

989
00:59:04,140 --> 00:59:06,100
music is just like a hobby for
you.

990
00:59:06,100 --> 00:59:09,100
And really what you want to
focus on right now is a another

991
00:59:09,100 --> 00:59:12,660
degree, this time in psychology.
Yeah, so.

992
00:59:12,740 --> 00:59:16,380
Yeah, I'm studying psychology
and I'm doing music as like a

993
00:59:16,380 --> 00:59:19,540
hobby right now.
If we were to give in an

994
00:59:19,580 --> 00:59:22,860
opportunity to pursue it full
time, I can definitely like

995
00:59:22,860 --> 00:59:24,540
think about it.
But I'm like kind of exploring

996
00:59:24,540 --> 00:59:29,100
my options at the moment and I
really do want to finish up my

997
00:59:29,100 --> 00:59:33,470
degree in psychology and.
I can speak about my personal

998
00:59:33,470 --> 00:59:38,750
experience and my knowledge from
like educational institutions,

999
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:41,470
from psychology to better
comprehensively.

1000
00:59:41,870 --> 00:59:46,070
I think you have just a unique
perspective as someone who has

1001
00:59:46,070 --> 00:59:50,030
the diagnosis that you have now.
I originally saw that it was

1002
00:59:50,070 --> 00:59:52,990
schizophrenia, depression and
bipolar disorder.

1003
00:59:54,110 --> 00:59:57,030
Is that still accurate?
Because I know, sometimes things

1004
00:59:57,030 --> 01:00:02,680
change, right?
So I was diagnosed with PTSD as

1005
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:06,800
well, but I've gone like EMDR
treatments.

1006
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:08,880
But ohh okay.
Yeah, so.

1007
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:15,840
But right now my most updated
would probably be like bipolar

1008
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:19,520
in schizophrenia and depression.
But you know, they're very

1009
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:21,280
manageable.
Like, I haven't had a single

1010
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:25,780
episode in the past year, so.
That's awesome.

1011
01:00:26,060 --> 01:00:29,740
You know, which is like, I'm
really proud of it and I really

1012
01:00:29,740 --> 01:00:33,020
wanna breakdown the stigma that
just because you're taking

1013
01:00:33,020 --> 01:00:35,220
treatment and you're on your
treatment, it shouldn't be a,

1014
01:00:35,900 --> 01:00:38,540
you know, a taboo.
And like, some people are like,

1015
01:00:38,580 --> 01:00:41,700
ohh, my gosh, when are you
gonna, uh when is your doctor

1016
01:00:41,700 --> 01:00:43,860
gonna take you off your meds and
like, you, when are you gonna be

1017
01:00:43,860 --> 01:00:46,060
healed?
And I'm like that's not that's

1018
01:00:46,060 --> 01:00:50,460
not a good way to like view it
because just because you're on

1019
01:00:50,460 --> 01:00:55,250
some medications that help you,
um, not have mental health

1020
01:00:55,250 --> 01:00:59,290
episodes doesn't mean that like
you're not the quote UN quote

1021
01:00:59,330 --> 01:01:01,330
well per se.
Yeah, unfortunately the.

1022
01:01:01,330 --> 01:01:04,410
Answer is never anybody
listening who was asked Nika

1023
01:01:04,410 --> 01:01:09,170
that question never like for so
much that people go through.

1024
01:01:09,410 --> 01:01:11,610
It's a lifelong process.
You're like, you're not really

1025
01:01:12,010 --> 01:01:16,450
cured.
You're maintaining right, You

1026
01:01:16,450 --> 01:01:18,290
could correct me.
If I'm wrong, that's how I feel

1027
01:01:18,290 --> 01:01:20,450
about myself.
I feel like I'm in a great place

1028
01:01:20,450 --> 01:01:22,090
right now.
I'm doing awesome.

1029
01:01:23,690 --> 01:01:27,330
But I still have to do a a a
certain amount of work, at least

1030
01:01:27,330 --> 01:01:30,810
on my part to kind of work
against certain thoughts that I

1031
01:01:30,810 --> 01:01:33,610
have some days and things like
that, right?

1032
01:01:33,610 --> 01:01:36,570
Like if you're maintaining and
you're on your medications and

1033
01:01:36,570 --> 01:01:39,290
you had no episodes, I think
that's a huge win.

1034
01:01:39,610 --> 01:01:41,930
So, right.
Yeah, absolutely.

1035
01:01:42,370 --> 01:01:46,730
Yeah, and you are.
I mean and what good was there

1036
01:01:46,730 --> 01:01:51,700
to to be to to throw you in
prison the likelihood that?

1037
01:01:51,900 --> 01:01:56,060
This would happen again is
pretty slim and you're obviously

1038
01:01:56,300 --> 01:01:59,260
remorseful of it.
How do you feel about what

1039
01:02:00,220 --> 01:02:04,460
Daniel said about you and the
press?

1040
01:02:05,060 --> 01:02:08,380
Think it was on the lines of
like I've forgiven her, but you

1041
01:02:08,380 --> 01:02:10,580
know, I'm going to let the legal
system do what they need to do

1042
01:02:10,580 --> 01:02:12,490
here.
Right.

1043
01:02:12,530 --> 01:02:16,370
Honestly, I'm very grateful just
because, you know, I've

1044
01:02:16,370 --> 01:02:18,050
regretted what actually
happened.

1045
01:02:18,050 --> 01:02:22,770
And I'm so glad that I was able
to apologize to Daniel and I've

1046
01:02:22,770 --> 01:02:29,970
accepted 100% responsibility.
And it did kind of like, like it

1047
01:02:29,970 --> 01:02:33,770
was really good notes that I was
able to apologize and he was

1048
01:02:33,770 --> 01:02:36,290
able to forgive me and for me to
be on probation.

1049
01:02:36,370 --> 01:02:41,510
I think it was one of the main
components that kind of inspires

1050
01:02:41,510 --> 01:02:45,510
me to do better in life and be
optimal about certain

1051
01:02:45,510 --> 01:02:48,310
situations.
You know, obviously it's not

1052
01:02:48,310 --> 01:02:51,950
something I look back upon and
I'm like, you know, it was a

1053
01:02:51,950 --> 01:02:53,550
great situation because I was
not.

1054
01:02:53,550 --> 01:02:59,430
And it was very unfortunate and
I'm so sad that, you know, I was

1055
01:02:59,590 --> 01:03:04,940
not the right.
But given the of how it ended

1056
01:03:04,940 --> 01:03:10,380
and how Daniel reacted to the
situation, I'm very fortunate

1057
01:03:10,380 --> 01:03:14,140
and happy about it.
Yeah, well, one of the things

1058
01:03:14,140 --> 01:03:17,020
you mentioned earlier in the
podcast and also when we talked

1059
01:03:17,020 --> 01:03:21,580
prior was that you wanna create
positive change.

1060
01:03:22,020 --> 01:03:25,340
Do you wanna expand on that and
how you wanna do that?

1061
01:03:26,700 --> 01:03:28,860
Yeah.
So there's different projects

1062
01:03:28,860 --> 01:03:31,380
that I'm working on.
I would say like my book is a

1063
01:03:31,380 --> 01:03:35,260
main component of it because I'm
able to speak more about my

1064
01:03:35,260 --> 01:03:38,420
story and kind of spot like what
I personally gone through to

1065
01:03:38,460 --> 01:03:42,500
inspire others as well.
But, you know, pursuing

1066
01:03:42,500 --> 01:03:47,300
education and psychology and
possibly a career in psychology.

1067
01:03:47,300 --> 01:03:52,740
To be able to not only reflect
on my story, but also

1068
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:58,040
educational background in the
field of psychology to implement

1069
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:01,520
positive change in the world, I
think is something that I'm very

1070
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:04,880
passionate about.
What do your parents think

1071
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:07,000
about?
You like being public with this

1072
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:11,240
story.
It's not their favorite, I will

1073
01:04:11,240 --> 01:04:15,880
say that, But at this point it's
like it's already out there.

1074
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:21,560
And even if I am able to change
the perspective of one person at

1075
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:26,470
a time, I'm more than willing to
go that route than like people

1076
01:04:26,470 --> 01:04:30,550
have a wrong narrative of me and
you're trying to.

1077
01:04:30,550 --> 01:04:36,190
Fix that as best you can, right?
Well, I I guess.

1078
01:04:36,190 --> 01:04:39,190
Is there anything else that you
wanna speak on?

1079
01:04:40,630 --> 01:04:45,030
No, I think I wanna thank you
for bringing me on on this

1080
01:04:45,030 --> 01:04:49,190
podcast and you know, I'm really
thankful that I can share my

1081
01:04:49,190 --> 01:04:51,790
story.
And for the listeners, if you

1082
01:04:51,790 --> 01:04:55,310
want to check out my book or see
the event something feel free to

1083
01:04:55,310 --> 01:04:59,150
do so.
And my big message that I want

1084
01:04:59,150 --> 01:05:03,390
to kind of conclude on is that
no matter the situation, there's

1085
01:05:03,390 --> 01:05:07,430
always ways to be optimal and
achieve your dreams.

1086
01:05:07,430 --> 01:05:12,310
And you know, healing is always
an ongoing process that.

1087
01:05:12,310 --> 01:05:16,830
Now that is is a statement there
healing is an ongoing process.

1088
01:05:17,230 --> 01:05:20,830
This never ends.
Nika is on TikTok.

1089
01:05:20,870 --> 01:05:27,150
Her username is Nika 5 N You can
also go to her website Nika

1090
01:05:27,350 --> 01:05:29,870
Nikuben.
And I'll put all of these links

1091
01:05:29,950 --> 01:05:32,350
in the liner notes for the
podcast if you want to look her

1092
01:05:32,350 --> 01:05:34,270
up along with the Amazon link to
her book.

1093
01:05:34,630 --> 01:05:36,670
Yeah.
Thank you so much for coming and

1094
01:05:36,670 --> 01:05:40,550
and being open and giving some
details that nobody mentioned.

1095
01:05:40,550 --> 01:05:43,870
But I do appreciate that,
especially the stuff for the

1096
01:05:43,910 --> 01:05:48,350
police side eyeing.
The Nevada police right now,

1097
01:05:49,030 --> 01:05:49,630
right?
Yeah.

1098
01:05:49,870 --> 01:05:51,470
But yeah.
Thank you so much.

1099
01:05:51,790 --> 01:05:54,190
Yeah.
Thank you so much for being.

1100
01:05:54,550 --> 01:05:57,870
And As for you listeners, you
have a great weekend.

1101
01:05:59,310 --> 01:06:00,030
All right.
Bye.

1102
01:06:00,830 --> 01:06:01,230
Bye.